If you are in an immediate crisis, please go to your nearest Emergency Room, or call 911, or call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) to talk to someone right now.
Helping a family member who has PTSD
When someone has PTSD can change family life. The person with
PTSD may act differently and get angry easily. He or she may not
want to do things you used to enjoy together.
You may feel scared and frustrated about the changes you see
in your loved one. You also may feel angry about what's happening
to your family, or wonder if things will ever go back to the way
they were. These feelings and worries are common in people who
have a family member with PTSD.
It is important to learn about PTSD so you can understand why
it happened, how it is treated, and what you can do to help. But
you also need to take care of yourself. Changes in family life
are stressful, and taking care of yourself will make it easier to
cope.
How can I help?
You may feel helpless, but there are many things you can do.
Nobody expects you to have all the answers.
Here are ways you can help:
- Learn as much as you can about PTSD. Knowing how PTSD
affects people may help you understand what your family member
is going through. The more you know, the better you and your
family can handle PTSD.
- Offer to go to doctor visits with your family member. You
can help keep track of medicine and therapy, and you can be
there for support.
- Tell your loved one you want to listen and that you also
understand if he or she doesn't feel like talking.
- Plan family activities together, like having dinner or
going to a movie.
- Take a walk, go for a bike ride, or do some other physical
activity together. Exercise is important for health and helps
clear your mind.
- Encourage contact with family and close friends. A support
system will help your family member get through difficult
changes and stressful times.
Your family member may not want your help. If this happens,
keep in mind that withdrawal can be a symptom of PTSD. A person
who withdraws may not feel like talking, taking part in group
activities, or being around other people. Give your loved one
space, but tell him or her that you will always be ready to
help.
How can I deal with anger or violent behavior?
Your family member may feel angry about many things. Anger is
a normal reaction to trauma, but it can hurt relationships and
make it hard to think clearly. Anger also can be frightening.
If anger leads to violent behavior or abuse, it's dangerous.
Go to a safe place and call for help right away. Make sure
children are in a safe place as well.
It's hard to talk to someone who is angry. One thing you can
do is set up a time-out system. This helps you find a way to talk
even while angry. Here's one way to do this.
- Agree that either of you can call a time-out at any
time.
- Agree that when someone calls a time-out, the discussion
must stop right then.
- Decide on a signal you will use to call a time-out. The
signal can be a word that you say or a hand signal.
- Agree to tell each other where you will be and what you
will be doing during the time-out. Tell each other what time
you will come back.
While you are taking a time-out, don't focus on how angry you
feel. Instead, think calmly about how you will talk things over
and solve the problem.
After you come back:
- Take turns talking about solutions to the problem. Listen
without interrupting.
- Use statements starting with "I," such as "I think" or "I
feel." Using "you" statements can sound accusing.
- Be open to each other's ideas. Don't criticize each
other.
- Focus on things you both think will work. It's likely you
will both have good ideas.
- Together, agree which solutions you will use.
How can I communicate better?
You and your family may have trouble talking about feelings,
worries, and everyday problems. Here are some ways to communicate
better:
- Be clear and to the point.
- Be positive. Blame and negative talk won't help the
situation.
- Be a good listener. Don't argue or interrupt. Repeat what
you hear to make sure you understand, and ask questions if you
need to know more.
- Put your feelings into words. Your loved one may not know
you are sad or frustrated unless you are clear about your
feelings.
- Help your family member put feelings into words. Ask, "Are
you feeling angry? Sad? Worried?"
- Ask how you can help.
- Don't give advice unless you are asked.
f your family is having a lot of trouble talking things over,
consider trying family therapy. Family therapy is a type of
counseling that involves your whole family. A therapist helps you
and your family communicate, maintain good relationships, and
cope with tough emotions.
During therapy, each person can talk about how a problem is
affecting the family. Family therapy can help family members
understand and cope with PTSD.
Your health professional or a religious or social services
organization can help you find a family therapist who specializes
in PTSD.
How can I take care of myself?
Helping a person with PTSD can be hard on you. You may have
your own feelings of fear and anger about the trauma. You may
feel guilty because you wish your family member would just forget
his or her problems and get on with life. You may feel confused
or frustrated because your loved one has changed, and you may
worry that your family life will never get back to normal.
All of this can drain you. It can affect your health and make
it hard for you to help your loved one. If you're not careful,
you may get sick yourself, become depressed, or burn out and stop
helping your loved one.
To help yourself, you need to take care of yourself and have
other people help you.
Care for yourself
- Don't feel guilty or feel that you have to know it all.
Remind yourself that nobody has all the answers. It's normal to
feel helpless at times.
- Don't feel bad if things change slowly. You cannot change
anyone. People have to change themselves.
- Take care of your physical and mental health. If you feel
yourself getting sick or often feel sad and hopeless, see your
doctor.
- Don't give up your outside life. Make time for activities
and hobbies you enjoy. Continue to see your friends.
- Take time to be by yourself. Find a quiet place to gather
your thoughts and "recharge."
- Get regular exercise, even just a few minutes a day.
Exercise is a healthy way to deal with stress.
- Eat healthy foods. When you are busy, it may seem easier to
eat fast food than to prepare healthy meals. But healthy foods
will give you more energy to carry you through the day.
- Remember the good things. It's easy to get weighed down by
worry and stress. But don't forget to see and celebrate the
good things that happen to you and your family.
Get help
During difficult times, it is important to have people in your
life who you can depend on. These people are your support
network. They can help you with everyday jobs, like taking a
child to school, or by giving you love and understanding.
You may get support from:
- Family members.
- Friends, coworkers, and neighbors.
- Members of your religious or spiritual group.
- Support groups.
- Doctors and other health professionals
From the National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder,
US Department of Veterans Affairs.
www.mentalhealth.va.gov
What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?
PTSD FAQs
Treatment of PTSD
How common is PTSD?
What can I do if I think I have PTSD?
Helping a Family Member Who Has PTSD
How is PTSD Measured?
Traumatic Stress in Female Veterans
FAQs About PTSD Assessment
DSM-IV-TR criteria for PTSD
FAQs About PTSD Assessment: For Professionals
Trauma Exposure Measures
Chart - Trauma Exposure Measures
Potential Stressful Events Interview (PSEI)
Stressful Life Events Screening Questionnaire (SLESQ)
Trauma Assessment for Adults—Self-report (TAA)
Trauma History Questionnaire (THQ)
Trauma History Screen (THS)
Traumatic Events Questionnaire (TEQ)
Traumatic Life Events Questionnaire (TLEQ)
Traumatic Stress Schedule (TSS)
Combat Exposure Scale (CES)
Evaluation of Lifetime Stressors (ELS)
Life Stressor Checklist—Revised (LSC-R)
Trauma Exposure Measures
PTSD Screening Instruments
Below is a list of links to information on select PTSD Screens, brief questionnaires completed in order to identify people who are more likely to have PTSD. A positive response to the screen does not necessarily indicate that a patient has Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. However, a positive response does indicate that a patient may have PTSD or trauma-related problems and further investigation of trauma symptoms by a mental-health professional may be warranted.
Chart - Screens for PTSD
Short Form of the PTSD Checklist - Civilian Version
Short Screening Scale for PTSD
The SPAN
SPRINT
The Primary Care PTSD Screen (PC-PTSD)
Trauma Screening Questionnaire (TSQ)
Beck Anxiety Inventory – Primary Care (BAI-PC)
PTSD Screening
PLEASE NOTE: Screens are to be used to determine possible problems, and positive cases should be followed up by assessment with a structured interview for PTSD.
Common Reactions to Trauma
People experience a range of reactions following trauma. Here you will find information on what these common reactions are, including anger, nightmares, sleep problems, and more.
Avoidance
Nightmares
Anger and Trauma
Sleep and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
What Are the Traumatic Stress Effects of Terrorism?
Common Reactions After Trauma
Where to Get Help
If you are in an immediate crisis, please go to your nearest Emergency Room, or call 911, or call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) to talk to someone right now.
